Thanksgiving Reflections: Embracing Gratitude and End of Life Planning
As we head into Thanksgiving, this month’s blog is about being grateful for the gifts in our life and the importance of preparing for our final chapter. A highly personal subject for me as I provide support for a dear friend during his final days.
Although he can’t control how his physical journey will unfold, he can control the experience he wants to create for himself and his loved ones.
End-of-life planning honours your legacy. It allows you to take control over how you want to leave the physical world by designing a transition that reflects your values and wishes. This foresight brings comfort for you and a more peaceful experience for your loved ones.
The following quote summarizes discussions my friend and I have shared over these past months. He told me his goal was to stay positive, be as active as possible, and strive every day to practice gratitude and minimize self-pity. And he’s done that with courage and grace.
I went to bed with more grievances I could count and woke up with more gratitude than I could measure.
I dedicate this blog to my friend in honour of his steadfast courage and a life well lived and hope it will raise awareness of the importance of end-of-life planning.
This article explores what to consider when creating your personal plan:
The Environment in Your Last Days
We spend months meticulously planning a trip, milestone anniversaries, and birthday celebrations, so why not extend ourselves the same love and attention when it comes to our final days?
Talking about the end of life is difficult, but the reality is that death is a certainty for all of us. We can choose to rely on our loved ones to decide how our final days unfold, or we can proactively plan for it just as we would any other major life event.
Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.
There are countless ways to design the environment you want in your last days. Some ideas to consider:
- Death Doula – Similar to midwives who help bring new life into the world, death doulas help guide life out of this world. They apply practical skills to help create a safe, comforting space to die. A Global News story describes their value: Death doulas transforming how we die in Canada.
- Location – For those with a terminal illness, choosing the location of your death is an important decision. Unless hospitalization is unavoidable, most individuals prefer to die in the comfort of their own home or at a hospice facility.
- Environment – You can curate your surroundings with your favorite music, poems, or readings. Create a space that offers comfort and peace, surrounded by the people and things that are deeply meaningful to you.
- Farewell Messages -Sharing feelings of love, pride, and regret with your family is a priceless act that can help them let go of any lingering regrets. My friend’s dad held a living funeral,so he could personally exchange heartfelt goodbyes with loved ones.
Death doulas provide support and empowerment during this overwhelming time. Because it’s possible for death to also be a beautiful experience.
End of Life on Your Terms
For those with a serious illness or approaching death, there are resources available. Whether you choose support to manage your illness, get help during your final days, or help to end your life, the decisions are highly personal and unique for each individual.
- Palliative Care – focuses on easing the physical, emotional and social toll you and your family experience due to a serious medical illness. A palliative care team can be assigned as soon as you are diagnosed and help with the management of your care.
- Hospice Care – focuses on the care, comfort, and quality of life of a person with a serious illness who is approaching the end of life. Hospice care can be provided at home or in a facility designed to provide a safe, calming space to ease their transition.
- Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) – offers individuals facing an incurable illness the autonomy to end their suffering and control how their life ends. Although this is not for everyone, it is a lifeline for those who are suffering and ready to die.
A deeply saddening moment but in equal parts profound, dignified, peaceful and exactly what mom wanted. A good death at the end of a life very well-lived.
Honouring Your Life Story and Legacy
Letting your family know how you want your life to be celebrated after you’re gone is a gift of love. Guide them on what you want and leave room for them to include their own ideas. In this way, you help them grieve and resurface treasured memories they can hold onto for their lifetime.
You can help them tell your story and honour your legacy by documenting:
- Your final arrangements so your loved ones don’t have to guess what you want. Include information regarding organ donation, burial, cremation or green funeral, and the handling of your ashes or location of where to rest your remains
- Contact information of family, friends, business and personal acquaintances, and neighbours who you would like to be notified of your death
- The experience you want for family and friends at your celebration of life. Invite them to include their ideas and shared memories
- What you’d like included in your eulogy. Provide insights that describe you in a nutshell.
It’s important to equip your family with easy access to the personal and financial documents required to settle your estate. Learn about our document organization tool, the Family Playbook.
Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.
Conclusion
End-of-life planning is a gift to yourself – offering you comfort and peace in your final days – and a gift to your family as they prepare for life without you.
This Thanksgiving, as you gather with loved ones, express gratitude for the blessings in your life and commit to creating an end-of-life plan.
A final note: As I was completing this article, my friend died peacefully at home, just as he wished, with his loving family by his side. He will be truly missed by the many that loved him.
Resources to help guide you in your planning:
- Vive Aging and End of Life Planning
- Dying with Dignity
- Plan Well. Also see our blog on Advance Care Planning.
- Inner Travel Grief Coaching™- Tammy Faulds
Did this article provide insight on the importance of end of life planning?
We’d love to hear how an end-of-life plan made a difference for you and your family during a loved one’s final days. Share your story.
Financial Concierge offers Professional Executor and Power of Attorney services to assist with executor, attorney duties or help with managing daily financial activities. Learn more about Financial Concierge here.
Author: Janet Jackson, Contributor: Jill Chambers
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not intended to be legal or financial advice and should not be construed as anything other than for information purposes.
